With a shower of tears, I left what was once my whole life behind. I left my family, my home, my secure career, my possessions, everything that made me who I was. And now I have left my own country behind. My own homeland, my rights, my security, my covering. I have chosen to step out of the "American dream" today, while some other soul in this world is wishing, striving, praying, fighting to come into the "American dream". I have chosen to shrink my whole life down to a backpack.
While I claim to have no rights, I can't help but ponder the well known phrase "What in the world are you doing!!!" I feel as though I should have the right to flounder in all these mixed emotions. To say yes, it's okay to be excited and nervous. To be faithful and fearful. Because God has called me out and the only direction that I hear from Him is "go to the land that I will show you". I want to know answers, directions, reasons... you know, the usual 'how/what/when/who/where. But nothing but just 'go'. So now I'm here. I have chosen to obey Him. Without any understanding and a lot of wonder, I chose to obey. I am no one special. I have no major quality, ability, or status that has qualified me to be doing this. I only have one thing and it's not unique or special. It's the same thing that everyone has. And that is the ability to listen and obey God voice. That's all. And I am baffled by that. I hear two voices in my head. One that says 'theres no way that I can do this and I would be crazy to even try' and the other one that says 'I have asked you to do this and I have qualified you to do this'. And I choose to listen and go. I feel as though I have been given a bigger coat by God for me to grow into. That the coat I had on was no longer my size and that I have grown out of it. I see God saying that it's a new year, I have grown, and I need a bigger coat. And He has not given me one that fits me perfectly. No, He has a plan. He has given me a coat that is larger then I. He is anticipating my growth once again. How faithful is God, that He doesn't leave us stagnant and stationary but He takes us from glory to glory (or as some say, gory to glory)
So now I am excited to see all that the Lord has in store for His people and I am faithful to walk in His guidance; not moving without Him.
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